Saturday, February 3, 2018

On 1/27/18 Kev writes and I type....

Dreams: From Cocoons To Butterflies

Change has been such a beautiful thing to embrace... This new year has brought new strength, new hope, and new life... I no longer feel like I'm crawling through life... My dreams have limitless potential, and I'm excited for what the future may bring... When I witness a butterfly flap it's wings so freely... I think about the process that was taken to reach that state of freedom... Through transformation and change emerges something more beautiful and free than before... I use this analogy to describe my own state of being... When we learn to accept ourselves instead of trying to escape ourselves - we end up finding who we truly are, and in return we learn to escape the confines of our own self made prisons... 
I am currently working on creating something that could truly help change the way we treat and manage the disease of addiction... Recovery is a gift worth sharing... When I started writing this blog my goal was to share each positive experience and insight that I've had throughout my own personal recovery... I wanted my words to reflect each of these moments... This blog is my mirror of positivity for each of you who read to find yourselves in... When we reflect something worthwhile in this world it creates a chain reaction... My dream is to create a place where recovering addicts can truly find themselves through the shared experiences of one another... Social media was initially created to help bring us all closer together through the sharing of our own personal experiences throughout life, but we have lost sight of that concept, and in return it seems to be dividing us... I plan on changing this by using the social media experience in a way that expands on one of the most important concepts found in traditional recovery groups - "The value of one addict helping another is without parallel, and we only keep what we have by giving it away." I'm looking for the right people to help me turn this vision into reality, and I'm lucky to have a mother willing to sacrifice her own time and energy in order to help me achieve this dream... I look forward towards the endless possibilities of a future more bright than I ever could have predicted...

Today's Positive Affirmation: Let my life be a beacon of hope guiding others towards a worthwhile existence...

Saturday, November 11, 2017

The Flow OF Things To Come

On October 31st Kev writes, I type...

I really believe there is this connected life force that flows through all can be beautiful and destructive all at once, the kind of thing that can unite nations or tear them apart. I see that same force work its magic throughout my own daily life.
In my own personal recovery process doing service work is truly the life force working through me to connect me to others. I feel as if we are all searching for some kind of perfect happiness and for me today my perfect happiness is feeling peaceful. I receive that peace when I know I am truly helping others...It's a beautiful thing when you are able to release your honesty and by doing so you're able to ignite a fire within the person standing next to a chemical reaction between two souls. A massive bond is formed through sharing our experience, strength and hope with the next person. That to me is what living is all about. Taking that kind of connection we experience and turning it into genuine action shows us true progress not just within ourselves but in the world that surrounds us. 
I feel it's important to me to share my ups and  downs with you. It has been a while since I've written on here. For a short time I was uninspired. It can be a very emotional experience inside these walls at times. I've been focusing my time and energy lately getting back into some other things that help inspire me. One of those things is my art. Being able to express my creativity artistically  has always been an important part of my life. Doing so has already helped me gain insight into other projects I am working on and has brought me back here to tell you about it. 
I wish that those of you who read what I write on here are able to find peaceful happiness in your own lives. I will be writing more often and my wish  is to keep inspiring those of you who read this to support and spread my message of hope. 
I look forward to seeing comments from readers and I am always looking for people to correspond with who will brighten my life and inspire me even more. If you wish to do so, please e mail my mom and she can explain how to get in touch with me. 
I look forward to what the future has in store and I send all my light to each and every one of you!

Today's Positive Affirmation: Inspiration comes from being brave, and eliminating our fears.....

Monday, September 4, 2017

Replacing Spiritual Materialism With Contentment Of Spirit

On 9/3/17 Kev writes, I type...

Something very beautiful happened yesterday. I guess you could say I had an important realization...

 My day had started with emotional upheaval that I would later realize was caused by my own thinking. I had allowed myself to become consumed by my own insecurities, and in doing so I brought turmoil to a relationship I hold very dear to my heart. I'm starting to understand that when we try to fill ourselves up with the things that lie outside ourselves in order to find happiness, those same things mostly end up becoming what brings us pain. Spiritual materialism is really what addiction is all about...we become addicted to finding happiness, pleasure, love, etc., when we can't seem to find it within ourselves. It's only if you truly can love yourself,  that you can truly trust in the love you have for another.
If you really think about it-everything inside the physical world is temporary yet we try so hard to hold onto what can't be held onto. The moment is what truly counts..
I lost complete control over my emotions yesterday, and as the day progressed, the situation seemed to get mind became more chaotic..
I could not find any stillness in any moment and I found myself taking steps backward into the negative thought process I know all too well. Something happened though, I realized after getting off the phone that I was not getting anywhere by allowing myself to be completely consumed by what I could not control..that the only thing that was going to bring me true peace in this situation was myself, by replacing my spiritual materialism with contentment for my own spirit.
I was completely crazy at one point..but I've learned to use the tools that I know work for me,and one of those is to know to reach out to someone when I need help. I'm in prison but there are men in here that can help me with my emotional distress, because like all human beings and like this blog is intended to do, we are all able to reflect into one another. I now understand that I don't have to feel like I'm the only one that is going through something. I sought out someone who is in recovery like I am, and  I also really ended up finding help in the people I asked to help direct me towards that person.
After speaking with someone, I decided to go work out. That helped with the anger but when I was done I found myself still spinning inside so I talked again with that same person and he told me, " why don't you just meditate because what you really need to do is clear your mind of all that temporary stuff."  I thought those words were so wise, and so I meditated. I was actually able to sit still in that state the longest I've been able to since attempting to practice on a daily basis. It helped me see just how caught up my mind was..I can't count the times I had to stop and start counting my breaths over again , but it was the best lesson I've had yet because I was finally able to let go for once.
As far as the relationship that I hold dear to my heart...I realize this- love can't be something I use to fill some type of physical need for happiness. That has to come from within. I have to just enjoy what I do have within that love and cherish it. I don't know what may come of this situation, but I can show respect and how I value the relationship by giving it space to breathe. All I can hope for is that by creating some space through respect and self control that I'll be able to guide that love back to its proper place in my life. One of the greatest things I am able to understand today is that sometimes we have to learn how to hurt in order to love stronger. We become better human beings by doing so.
So, today, I choose to replace spiritual materialism with contentment of spirit and understand true happiness will inevitably start from there...

Today's Positive Affirmation: "Greater in battle than the man who would conquer a thousand-thousand men , is he who would conquer just one- himself." - Buddha

Saturday, August 5, 2017

Diagram Of A Fall

On 8/1/17 Kev writes and I type..

Have you ever had a glass slip from the dinner table, and you just watch it shatter on the floor right before your eyes? You just watch it and do nothing to stop it. I've witnessed my own mind do the exact thing on a daily basis. What if you could learn to catch that glass before it hits the floor? What if you could be in tune with your thoughts and catch yourself before things shatter in your life? This is really what learning to live in the moment is all about...being able to have a clear understanding of our minds gives us a greater insight into ourselves. When we learn to understand the delusions that exist inside of us...we begin to realize what drives our anger, pain and ultimately our suffering.
We may not have total control of the outside forces or the perceptions of others, but one thing we do have control over is our own minds..we all have the ability to control the way we allow our minds to react to those outside forces.
When we are able to leave our perception of self, and be content with who we are, we begin to transcend the boundaries that oftentimes hold us back from enjoying life to it's fullest. 
Define your existence through concentrating on each moment, and learning to accept them each for what they are. Each breath that we take holds the essence of who we are inside, learning the inner working of our soul brings us closer to our spiritual nature and allows us the chance to reach a higher state of existence. When we leave our preconceived notions of self behind us, we not only learn how to catch that glass falling from the table-we learn how to set the table for a feast worth having..a feast called life...

Today's Positive Affirmation: I leave selfishness behind by first learning to accept myself, and is doing so I learn to accept others, and truly love them for who they are......

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Falling Towards The Sky

On 7/26/17 Kev writes, I type:

Someone told me recently that-"we can only grow from the ground up, and that we can't grow down..If that were the case we would all be spiritual masters and there would be no reason for us to be human." 
I couldn't have said it better myself. 
I was living in the shade for so long before now that I could never allow myself to grow...Sometimes we have to cut down the things that block us from the sun, and allow light to finally shine into our lives. In order to truly grow we have to be willing to pick the weeds from our souls...Our gardens can become overgrown with the burdens we face daily in our lives, and it's up to us to clear the way...
Standing on the horizon lines of endless possibility- I feel like I'm falling towards the sky, and there's no telling where I could go, or where my happiness will take me...There is no real destination only limitless potential in all of us...When we begin to live in the moment- we truly begin living life, and in doing so our actions change the world around us. When we can exist in the present without fear, we open up the possibility of an even greater state of realization and existence that transcends even death..I've been learning that sometimes falling is really growing...I've learned to catch my breath, and in return regain balance in my life...Resentment, fear, anger and pain can be like being held under water...We can choose to swim or drown in our own personal sorrow, but when we learn to breathe...we no longer end up needing to run from who we are. We exist.., and we create the boundaries and limits by which we create the world around us...

Today's Positive Affirmation: By living in the present moment all possibilities become reality, and I become the master of my own happiness...

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Life Support

On 7/8/17 Kev writes, I type:

We all need assurance in our lives. When you were a child, there was no greater sense of worth that you could feel that would take the place of having the support of those around you. Even when they did not fully agree with certain choices you made, but were able to find comfort in the fact that you were made you feel more confident in the way you carried yourself and lived your life. It is important for us to first be able to support our own decisions...we must be able to wholeheartedly believe in what we want for ourselves, and understand that no matter what the rest of the world might think...we ourselves can accept what we are choosing to do in our life.
Family to be is not just defined by immediate blood-related family. Family to me is defined by the people in our lives who offer the positive support that helps guide us towards a better existence. They are there to hold you accountable for your actions, but never there to try and control the person you aim to be..their support should be guided by love. No one should ever want to pull the plug on your life support if you are truly fighting for something, or believe that what you're doing is good for your own life.
I will always be here to offer those I love unconditional support by being there for them through any situation..but I will never offer support to someone I love if I believe that what they are doing will be a negative force in helping them achieve the best life possible for themselves..we all need the right life support to keep breathing that next breath, and to keep putting one foot in front of the other even when the world fights against us...

Today's Positive Affirmation: I will continue to fight for those who fight for me, and give my heart to those who truly know what it means to love and be loved bck.

The Yin and Yang of Selfishness and Selflessness

On 7/7/17 Kev writes, I type:

I believe it's necessary for there to be a balance of selfishness and selflessness in our lives. It is vital for me to be selfish about my own personal recovery because unless I am able to be the best person I can be, I will be useless to those around me. This type of selfishness allows me to be a more selfless person in the long run...when I'm able to feel true contentment within myself, I'm able to better understand how I can be of use to others in a positive light.
In active addiction my selfishness was one of my greatest burdens not only on my family and loved ones but on myself as well. I was completely self-involved with a negative force that left me spiritually bankrupt, and caused me to lose sight of what it truly is to live. If you really think about life..everything we achieve and do positive in our lives really provides some type of service or inspiration for others. By being selfish about a process that allows me to change for the better...I become a more selfless individual dedicated towards the betterment of my fellow man. It becomes truly about learning how to find the balance between the positives and negatives in our lives..There's a yin and yang between selfishness and selflessness, If you were able to change the negative perceptions of the world with your words, art, intellect , talent, etc., would you not be selfish about being the best you could possible be at what it is you do? The greater understanding that you have of yourself, the greater you benefit the person next to you by gaining a greater understanding of how you are able to use your own experience, strength and hope to do so....If you are selfless for selfish reason you end up contradicting the entire meaning of being selfless.
Selflessness is defined through actions that benefit others with no intended benefit for yourself . When we find balance within ourselves, and become vital parts of our community.. we end up becoming the cogs in the gears of positive progress. I'll continue to say that human nature will always be about learning to live for each other by first learning to live with ourselves.

Today's Positive Affirmation: I will find balance within myself in order to bring balance to those around me.