On 6/15/17 Kev writes and I type:
The monsters we carry inside are the most deadly monsters that exist. They feed off negativity and if left to their own devices-begin to consume the true people we know ourselves to be. They try to eat us alive from the inside out, and attempt to fill our souls with lies...
The resentments that we can't let go of become these monsters that live inside...They grow teeth, and devour our hearts. When we can't let go of our resentments we end up falling into the bellies of our own beasts. I know this from firsthand experience. I had to learn how to be able to let go of all the extra baggage that I allowed myself to carry around. I had to learn to live life on life's terms.
I keep a shield on my heart today, and attempt to live my life with completely pure intentions. By letting go of our spiritual wreckage we end up clearing a path to a better way of life...
Today's Positive Affirmation: I learn to walk with my shadows next to me in order to see where I need to never let myself stray...
Saturday, June 17, 2017
See Through My Eyes, And Take What you Need
On 5/27/17 Kev writes and I type:
I remember standing in the booking area of the Mahoning County jail almost two years ago. I was filthy, bloody and literally a bag of bones...I was disconnected from everything. For the second time in three years I had found my way to a place I thought i would never see again..
I remember a deputy standing behind me spraying me with some type of cleaner..I can only imagine how I must have smelled that day. I had been holed up in a vacant house that one of my drug dealers owned. Needless to say..there was no running water inside.
I told the deputy checking me in that I wished I was dead...I was promptly placed on suicide watch and put in a medical cell. I can remember every second of those first four days...
I look back now and even though I am still incarcerated..It's still hard to fathom who I was two years ago. Most people would cringe at the idea of sharing any of that being a part of their life but I've learned to accept my past , and I understand that I'm able to help addicts through sharing these sometimes negative experiences. If I can help another human being see clearly where they are heading on their self-destructive path and help them gain courage through my experience to find a better existence..all my suffering will be for a greater good in the end. If we can learn to be open and honest with ourselves, we gain the strength to move forward and in so doing we truly learn to live our lives through sharing them for the benefit of others...
This is my true purpose. See through my eyes, and take what you need...
Today's positive affirmation: I will have no fears and no walls hiding who I truly am...
I remember standing in the booking area of the Mahoning County jail almost two years ago. I was filthy, bloody and literally a bag of bones...I was disconnected from everything. For the second time in three years I had found my way to a place I thought i would never see again..
I remember a deputy standing behind me spraying me with some type of cleaner..I can only imagine how I must have smelled that day. I had been holed up in a vacant house that one of my drug dealers owned. Needless to say..there was no running water inside.
I told the deputy checking me in that I wished I was dead...I was promptly placed on suicide watch and put in a medical cell. I can remember every second of those first four days...
I look back now and even though I am still incarcerated..It's still hard to fathom who I was two years ago. Most people would cringe at the idea of sharing any of that being a part of their life but I've learned to accept my past , and I understand that I'm able to help addicts through sharing these sometimes negative experiences. If I can help another human being see clearly where they are heading on their self-destructive path and help them gain courage through my experience to find a better existence..all my suffering will be for a greater good in the end. If we can learn to be open and honest with ourselves, we gain the strength to move forward and in so doing we truly learn to live our lives through sharing them for the benefit of others...
This is my true purpose. See through my eyes, and take what you need...
Today's positive affirmation: I will have no fears and no walls hiding who I truly am...
Saturday, June 10, 2017
I Would Rather Be Naked Than invisible
On 5/26/17 Kev Writes, I Type:
Most of us spend our entire lives trying to run from who we truly are...we need to realize that the only opinion that matters is the one we have of ourselves. Pointing fingers can feel like swords, but when we are able to accept who we truly are inside-we arm ourselves with a shield that is impervious against outside judgement.
I know what it feels like to be judged by people...as a recovering addict you end up dealing with the stigma associated with that label. On top of being a recovering addict, I also face the stigma with being labeled a convicted felon. What I understand now is that a label is only able to control us when we choose to believe that label defines us....If we end up believing in what others want us to think of ourselves, we end up trying to hide who we truly know ourselves to be...
Don't be afraid to show your scars. Vulnerability is really a beautiful thing. It allows people to relate with you. We should not fear being judged for what mistakes we have made in out lives. We should be able to understand that in order to overcome these setbacks, we must first be able to embrace them.
The rest of the world will appreciate someone who is able to grow from their mistakes more than the person who chooses to wallow in their own self-destruction.
I would rather be naked than invisible...I accept where I've been, and I realize that without those moments I may never have ended up discovering who I truly am inside.
So, here I am. You can choose to take me or leave me, just know that in the end I am completely OK with either/or. Don't be afraid of who you truly are. Our ability to share ourselves with the rest of humanity will always be our greatest weapon in changing the course of history...
Be proud not only your accomplishments...be proud of your failures as well because without them you would not be the person you are today...
Today's positive affirmation: I will not be afraid to shine, because I know that all light shines brighter in a little darkness!
Most of us spend our entire lives trying to run from who we truly are...we need to realize that the only opinion that matters is the one we have of ourselves. Pointing fingers can feel like swords, but when we are able to accept who we truly are inside-we arm ourselves with a shield that is impervious against outside judgement.
I know what it feels like to be judged by people...as a recovering addict you end up dealing with the stigma associated with that label. On top of being a recovering addict, I also face the stigma with being labeled a convicted felon. What I understand now is that a label is only able to control us when we choose to believe that label defines us....If we end up believing in what others want us to think of ourselves, we end up trying to hide who we truly know ourselves to be...
Don't be afraid to show your scars. Vulnerability is really a beautiful thing. It allows people to relate with you. We should not fear being judged for what mistakes we have made in out lives. We should be able to understand that in order to overcome these setbacks, we must first be able to embrace them.
The rest of the world will appreciate someone who is able to grow from their mistakes more than the person who chooses to wallow in their own self-destruction.
I would rather be naked than invisible...I accept where I've been, and I realize that without those moments I may never have ended up discovering who I truly am inside.
So, here I am. You can choose to take me or leave me, just know that in the end I am completely OK with either/or. Don't be afraid of who you truly are. Our ability to share ourselves with the rest of humanity will always be our greatest weapon in changing the course of history...
Be proud not only your accomplishments...be proud of your failures as well because without them you would not be the person you are today...
Today's positive affirmation: I will not be afraid to shine, because I know that all light shines brighter in a little darkness!
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